pretty quick there'd be a change, something that would be indefinable at first, a darkening of shadows on the jaw or perhaps a cruel gesture she'd never noticed

in a few weeks she'd be sitting across from a stranger

 

years of self analysis brought her to the realisation it was her own mind, swamping her experiences like a fuckin ameoba, assimilating everyone into the locked dirty room of her life

 

all we see is ourself anyway she figured

 

she took to drinking heavily, whisky, vodka, tequila she took the poison like she were walking through the desert, which in a way she was.

 

all you got to do is keeping moving your feet

 

she watches the people at the wayside out the side of her eye, she watches like  like an animal  sees the road shored up with antiquities, the folks who seen to much piled up like so much dust, their eyes all windblown and fixed on something inside themselves, she sees the drunks like herself saturated with the clear pure light of booze like prophets girded in holy cloth sees children flying on one wing like tops spinning going to the great nowhere

 

she has a disease inside her guts.

 

i am eaten up from the inside

 

shes been waking up on pages of the bhagavad gita, spitting out wet strips of paper she figures shes trying to bandage her own internal bleeding. she can see the logic of it too, takes to chewing chapters of the new testement, corinthians in the morning and leviticus when  the lonely night comes

 

she feels it forming like a wad of silk in her stomach, she imagines it absorbing her bitterness and making her sweet like a little golden apple